Day 29: Tenses, Part 2

I'm trying to figure out how to best write the tense and POV of my novel.

I'm going to play around with a few example sentences here.

Present tense, 1st person:
- 'I'm beginning to think that my mother will never be found. As I hold her cloth scarf in my hand, a tear rolls down my cheek. It isn't fair. She shouldn't have gone like this. My father's eyes are empty of all emotion. That isn't fair either. He's hiding something. He may have our kingdom convinced that she was kidnapped by the Orvar, but it won't fool me. Kidnapped? From a floating castle? Likely story. The King can say whatever he wants, but I know his Magic was involved. And I'm going to get to the bottom of this.'

Present tense, 3rd person:
- 'Prince Azhar shakes his head in disbelief as he looks at the broken arrow in his father's hand. A wave of anger rushes over him. He knows his father could have easily planted this foreign arrow to make it seem like an invasion. That raiders from a faraway land kidnapped his mother. But Azhar knows this is all a lie. Looking up at his father with skepticism, he reaches inside his robe and procures a blade. He will have his answers one way or another. His father can't feed the kidnapping excuse for long. Magic was involved; it's as simple as that.'

Past tense, 1st person:
- 'I clearly remember the day my mother disappeared. My father showed me a broken Orvar arrow, the likes of which I'd never seen before. At first I believed him - could there really have been a foreign infiltration so stealthy that they stole my mother and escaped undetected? Perhaps they really were as barbarous as the tales told. But then I saw my father's eyes. They were so hard and cold, void of all emotion. A spark welled within me. A spark of anger towards my father - the first of many. My feelings for my father from that moment on were summarized in one word: suspicion. I knew he had caused my mother's disappearance. And I knew it wasn't any foreign people that had caused it. It was him, and his forbidden Magic.'

Past tense, 3rd person:
- 'Taking his mother's soiled scarf, Azhar stood at the doorway to his father's private chamber. The King's eyes were as cold as ice. Azhar felt a strange feeling crawl at the back of his mind. The feeling turned into a shudder when he saw it - the broken arrow. It was so foreign that at first he hardly recognized it as such a weapon. But it would be the first of many. Hardening his mind, he turned his thoughts back to his mother. Could she really have been kidnapped by the foreign people that wield such strange arrows? It was hard to believe that the barbarian elves could really have kidnapped her without being caught. Azhar looked back up at his father again, and he could have sworn he saw a strange glow about his hands. That was when his suspicion sprouted forth. It was then that he knew - no strange invaders has caused his mother's disappearance. It was his father, the King, and his corrupted Magic.'

..So which one seems like the best? Let me know, and have a great day! :)

"Here forms, here colours, here the character of every part of the universe are concentrated to a point..."

                                                                                            - Leonardo da Vinci

Book Working Title: Knights of Kethyria

Day in Progress: 29

Words Achieved: 2,682

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/90DayAvocado


No comments:

Post a Comment